Monday, March 27, 2017

DEALING WITH COMPLICATED MATRIMONIAL ALLIANCES

At the time of writing this post I am just two (2) months short of turning 35.As of now I am content with my solo life and enjoy every bit of it. I try to find happiness in small things and have no regrets or complaints.

However people are not happy to see me single. In a society where everyone is married,I stand out for being single.People want to see me married and there is where the problem lies.

I belong to a questionable and distrustful family background.The so called reputed and respected families would not prefer me.No matter how aged their daughters/sister may be,they still prefer men from decent families.

Alliances do come for me. Close friends and sometimes colleagues speak to people they know and try to fix a match and for me this is a grave area of disappointment.Most of these alliances are equally complicated.Here I tend to come across women who are not getting married for obvious reasons, some are obese,some dark skinned, shot, ugly looking, divorced, single mothers,women from dysfunctional families and a lot more.Some women may come from a normal family but their individual personalities are complicated.In my case on the individual front but with zero family background I stand ineligible.Hence when my side of the story is narrated to these complicated women ,they find me acceptable.I often hear people say that this particular girl is okay with your family background or they don't mind my not having a family.But I know better.These women are accepting me because they don't have any choice.It is like the Hobson's choice.I stand out to be the best of the worst choices that many of these women have to make.The other choices available to these women are divorcees,single fathers,middle-aged and old men and men who are equally ugly and disgusting.And yaaa,not to forget that all these men ask for a fat dowry.

These complicated alliances can never work out because at the end somewhere wither you or the woman end up making major compromises.The alliance is itself need based and symbiotic,It is not based on understanding,liking or compassion.

I can understand what many of these women go through.An advancing age,society and family pressure,desperate need to get married and a lot more.The common thing seen in these women is that many have neglected themselves in terms of looks and physical appearance.They tend to have become obese and do not look presentable.Another trait common with these women is that they have major emotional and behavioral issues,they tend to be erratic and unstable.These symptoms are an outcome of being left behind, neglected and left out.In our society a 30 plus woman is always treated badly,she is often ridiculed and insulted.This leads to a massive build up rage and aggression.Anger,rage,dejection and desperation is a dangerous combination.

And it is with these points written above,I realize why do complicated matrimonial alliances find me unacceptable.I hold no grudges or grievance.In our society everyone has the right to get married or seek alliances but experience has taught me that relations formed under desperation do no last for long.This is why I don't consider these complicated alliances very well knowing that things will not work out on a long term basis.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing of for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Dear Sir, girls from respectable families get married by the age of 30

Two months ago based on a strong insistence of a very dear friend, I once again created my profile on shaadi.com (India's famous online matrimonial platform). However this time I did not have many expectations. I created this profile with that sole intention of letting people know that I exist and if they were interested in my profile they were welcome to express interest.

A month ago someone expressed interest in my profile. The girl was 32 years old, living in North India, educated and working in a good organization, as claimed by the content written in her profile. The profile also stated that it was created by herself.

I was quite surprised when I received a call from the girl's father. He had a typical North Indian Mentality, his way of talking revealed it. After asking basic questions he got to do business. He was looking for a suitable match for his daughter as he wanted her to settle down. He inquired about my family background and I stated that I had none.He paused for a few seconds and responded by saying "You don't have parents?" " You don't have a family?". How can I believe that you belong to a decent family?" This statement hurt me a lot and I abruptly stopped the conversation by stating I was not interested and disconnected the phone.

This is not the first time that I have had to face such ignominious questions. Years back when I was a novice in dealing with matters of matrimony I had faced similar questions and was left insulted. But now I am a veteran  and in this post I would like to give an answer to such people.

After the phone call was disconnected, I drafted and sent an email to this person. Written below are the contents of that email:

Dear Sir,

I would like to counter your statement by saying that girls who belong to a decent Indian family get married by the age of thirty (30). The fact that your daughter is 32, belonging to a North Indian society and that you are looking for mates beyond the geographical confines clearly shows your miserable condition. It amazed me that you are looking for grooms outside your community. When did you become so modern and broad minded? I can understand your anxiety combined with desperation.Your daughter has already joined the club of the leftover women.Good matrimonial alliances stopped coming the day your daughter crossed the age of 30. It is your destiny.

But who has give you the right to bluntly insult someone? If you are well educated as you say you are , then why did you fail to read my profile where I had mentioned all the facts about myself.. Either your eyesight is poor or your reading comprehension skills are weak. Whatever the case may be, you should not have spoken to me in an offensive manner.

Not having parents or a family is not a crime.It is not my fault that I am an orphan. Life took a different turn, accidents happen, tragedies occur, it is  destiny. I don't see myself as a victim of tragic circumstances. I am a man of my own making who has achieved everything by himself and this is something people like you cannot understand.

And whom do you consider to be respectable families? The ones who are unethical, immoral and greedy!!!The ones who ask for a very fat dowry when they want their son to get married.What about men who belong to rich families and commit heinous crimes like rape and murder? What about people who kill road side pedestrians and motorists during their long drives? You consider them respectable and not me. Your hypocrisy and double standards never fail to amuse me.

So coming back to the topic of respectable families, are you respectable? If you are then why does your daughter remain to be  unmarried at the age of 32? Respectable families imbibe good values in their daughters. The importance of marriage is taught to the daughters at an early age. Good daughters understand the need  to get married at an early age. After all, there is a family honor to be kept and family name that has to be respected.The fact that your daughter remains to be single at the age of 32 depicts the family that you belong to.

So, in future instead of putting anyone down , please remember my statement. Don't forget that I am also someone' child and just because my parents are not there with me , you don't have any right to put me down. Before insulting someone have a close look at your leftover daughter. Think how she would feel if someone were to bluntly tell her that she is an off the shelf product in the marriage market. Close your eyes and think about it.

I did not receive any reply for this letter.