Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Indian society is equally intolerant of free spirited single Indian men-Bhaveen Sheth DOTSIM

Sometime back , I read an article which spoke on an extreme level of intolerance of the Indian society towards free spirited single Indian women.However it failed to mention on an equal level or even more intolerance directed towards free spirited single Indian men.

Our society has never accepted the so called single status of people and has always detested people who have chosen to live a single life.While single Indian women are detested for not getting married and giving birth to a child, single Indian men are hated for not getting married, settling down and living a decent family life. Single Indian men are often accused of being vagabounds.

Indian society is made up of various likes and dislikes, at times it contradicts its very own structure,foundation and values.

Tolerance towards single Indian men especially those who are free spirited and live a happy life is extremely limited. In India, you won't find men who are single, somehow they get married, those who are not married are in the process of being hitched. I can't vouch the same for the single Indian women. Men who stay single out of their own choice face  lots of criticism and taunts.The society blacklists and debars them.Limited people will associate with them, their very existence is a source of criticism.

Single free spirited men are seen as a threat to the normal order of the Indian society.Since childhood we have been indoctrinated into following the routine protocol of life, you know, getting a good education, getting a job, getting married, settling down and having children.So what happens when some Indian men stay single out of their own choice and challenge this society order?They are certainly bound to become a source of envy and hatred.

It takes a lot of strength, courage and resilience for  Indian men to remain single.The decision to stay single is itself a difficult one to make.Once you start enjoying your own company and start living your life, you draw the attention of other people, free spirited single Indian men can do a lot of things that their married counterparts cannot.With no responsibilities over us , we are eagles soaring high in the skies.By staying single we disturb the natural order of the society hence we are disliked, we are branded irresponsible as we don not undertake the responsibilities of a family and fatherhood.No one is willing to accept the fact that we are pursuing our own interest at the cost of sacrificing our married life.

Our lifestyle is a big question mark for many. Most people think that we boose, take drugs, watch pronograpic movies,womanize and live a shabby life, that is certainly not the case. Now we cannot go around justifying our existence, can we? Remaining single allows us to pursue the activities of our own interests, we are more content with our lives compared to our married peers.Many single Indian men take a step further to take good care of themselves, age gracefully, become voracious readers and wonderful conversationalists.These men shine out, so they get hated, single men also do not have the financial woes that married folks have, no home loans, no car loans, no school and college fees to pay. Thirties and forties are a bliss for the single Indian men. So now tell me , why won't the single guys be hated.

Indian society will always remain intolerant, it does not accept the minority or diverse people.We often see its hatred directed towards its religious minorities , low castes, dark skinned people, north east Indians, the LTGB community , widows, divorcees and singles. Ohhh and not to forget the hatred towards the non-vegetarian eaters and those who exercise their freedom of speech.

We the single Indian men are free spirited souls, we have chosen this life, we don't need confirmation from idiotic and stupid married Indian men who claim to be representing the society, we don't need any advice and we don't want help.If the society hates, so be it. Who and what is the Indian society? It is made up of four people who will always have something critical to say no matter what you do.

The society is never going to accept us as we have violated its norms, rules and laws and we don't need its acceptance either.Our married peers will always have something to say. What you will eventually carry to your death bed are memories and experiences, do your best to make them look good.Looking back it is these memories that will bring a smile on your face. So go ahead and life your free spirited life without bothering about others.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Friday, June 16, 2017

The good Indian woman is dead-Bhaveen Sheth DOTSIM

In this writeup, Bhaveen Sheth , the single Indian man writes an obituary for the good Indian woman, he honestly pays a tribute to all the good things she did for her family and the society.She is one of those nameless and faceless woman who has never been appreciated. In this write up I put in my thoughts for her appreciation and adulation.




The dawn of the 21st century has been difficult for the Indian society. In the last two decades we have seen a rapid transformation on the side of the Indian women, but this transformation has been for the worse,We get to seen a lot of arm chair feminists, pseudo feminists, middle class Indian princesses and of course feminazis. It is only after dealing with such women does one realize the importance and the relevance of good Indian women.They were the women who were there in our father's and grandfather's times, they were the real women of substance, their feminine presence and charm was wonderful, their demeanor and grace commanded respect, they converted simple houses into wonderful homes, what wonderful women they were.

They too used to be ambitious but they chose to put the needs and requirements of the family before theirs.They worked hard in bringing up a family, raising children and maintaining strong family bonds.They did all the housework without cribbing or complaining, they sat down and tutored their children, cooked meals and served it to their husbands and gave them good company.They were certainly not materialistic, small things made them happy, seeing their family happy brought joy to them. They did not get sucked into this wave of feminism. Some of them worked in offices and institutions and yet did not neglect their families.After work they would go home, cook and prepare for the next day. 

They were cost conscious as they would even save a small penny for the future.Narcissism and self obsession was never a part of their personality trait.Guests were always entertained at home and these women would make it a point to play the role of good hostesses without being asked for.Their cooking skills were exemplary, each woman was a master cook in her own way.Their speeches and conversations were wonderful, never did they use abusive language filled with expletives and profanities.They took care of the elders and took up the role of dutiful daughters. They were givers of love and affection.Some of these women were not educated but they were extremely skillful and street smart. All of them were wonderful in their own way.They were the epitome of a wonderful family and a pillar of the Indian society. Today we miss them badly, these women no longer exist, at best they are an endangered species and at worse they are extinct.

As I come to the end of this post , I clearly state that we are now seeing a new toxic species of Indian women who have been indoctrinated into the wrong ideas of feminism. These women will not cook, they will not clean, and they will not take care of their homes.All they will do is study bullshit educational courses, get worthless degrees that have no employment value, undertake jobs that are boring and miserable and claim that they are the strong empowered Indian women. They will spend their entire salaries on beautifying themselves.They are too self centred,too self obsessed and narcissistic.Maturity has never dawned upon them.To tell you the truth, no one wants them, no man wants them as a wife, no parent want them as a daughter, no one wants them as a daughter in law.These women have become unwanted even in their homes Their parents see them as an unwanted burden. Day by day their(parents) worry rises , after all ,which decent man would like to marry such a woman. 

One will find scores of such women  in India mostly in their 30's and 40's who are still single and miserable.And if any of you women belonging to this category are reading this post , I suggest that you have a good look at yourself and what you really are. A good Indian woman in spite of all her imperfections is always desired.Women of your kind will always be considered unwanted.This is the real truth of many Indian women of today's times.

Ending this post, I feel sad that our society has fallen to such miserable times. As Indian men we miss the good Indian women.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

When Single Indian women face the sum of all fears-Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM

The sum of all fears is a quote made by the belligerent late British Prime Minister Mr.Winston Churchill.To put is simply it means when all your realized and unrealized fears become true and you find it difficult to face them.

The same applies to all these thirty (30) plus single Indian women. There are many incidents or events that happen forcing these women to face the sum of all their fears. So what exactly happens? Well, it is an avalanche of all problems that come together when these women hit their early 30's.Things don't go the way they have imagined.Marriage prospects start drying up, peer pressure to get married increases,parents age and start having health problems, life is not easy.These women have never realized the major problems that are going to hit them at a certain point of time.

And one day something finally hits them and hits them hard.Marriage prospects decline,rejections get multiplied,parents suffer from ill health, siblings get married and start having a family, friends also get married, hormonal changes happen, the need for companionship and craving for motherhood goes up.Things don't happen the way they wanted and life takes a different turn.This is what I call as the sum of all fears.

No matter how strong Indian women claim to be, they are weak.They need support and companionship and if they don't get it, they will break down. Life then takes a downward spiral.

And if you happen to be that single Indian women reading this post ,I kindly request you to think again.No matter how much you cherish your single hood a day will come when you will face the sum of all fears.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lo more.

Monday, March 27, 2017

DEALING WITH COMPLICATED MATRIMONIAL ALLIANCES

At the time of writing this post I am just two (2) months short of turning 35.As of now I am content with my solo life and enjoy every bit of it. I try to find happiness in small things and have no regrets or complaints.

However people are not happy to see me single. In a society where everyone is married,I stand out for being single.People want to see me married and there is where the problem lies.

I belong to a questionable and distrustful family background.The so called reputed and respected families would not prefer me.No matter how aged their daughters/sister may be,they still prefer men from decent families.

Alliances do come for me. Close friends and sometimes colleagues speak to people they know and try to fix a match and for me this is a grave area of disappointment.Most of these alliances are equally complicated.Here I tend to come across women who are not getting married for obvious reasons, some are obese,some dark skinned, shot, ugly looking, divorced, single mothers,women from dysfunctional families and a lot more.Some women may come from a normal family but their individual personalities are complicated.In my case on the individual front but with zero family background I stand ineligible.Hence when my side of the story is narrated to these complicated women ,they find me acceptable.I often hear people say that this particular girl is okay with your family background or they don't mind my not having a family.But I know better.These women are accepting me because they don't have any choice.It is like the Hobson's choice.I stand out to be the best of the worst choices that many of these women have to make.The other choices available to these women are divorcees,single fathers,middle-aged and old men and men who are equally ugly and disgusting.And yaaa,not to forget that all these men ask for a fat dowry.

These complicated alliances can never work out because at the end somewhere wither you or the woman end up making major compromises.The alliance is itself need based and symbiotic,It is not based on understanding,liking or compassion.

I can understand what many of these women go through.An advancing age,society and family pressure,desperate need to get married and a lot more.The common thing seen in these women is that many have neglected themselves in terms of looks and physical appearance.They tend to have become obese and do not look presentable.Another trait common with these women is that they have major emotional and behavioral issues,they tend to be erratic and unstable.These symptoms are an outcome of being left behind, neglected and left out.In our society a 30 plus woman is always treated badly,she is often ridiculed and insulted.This leads to a massive build up rage and aggression.Anger,rage,dejection and desperation is a dangerous combination.

And it is with these points written above,I realize why do complicated matrimonial alliances find me unacceptable.I hold no grudges or grievance.In our society everyone has the right to get married or seek alliances but experience has taught me that relations formed under desperation do no last for long.This is why I don't consider these complicated alliances very well knowing that things will not work out on a long term basis.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing of for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

An eternity of loneliness, longing and nostalgia

In this blogpost, I write down my thoughts and feelings on an eternity of loneliness, longing and nostalgia felt by many single Indian men living all by themselves in metropolitan cities of India. This post is primarily written from the perspective of a single Indian man living in Delhi-NCR.

It is in an alien city that we feel extremely lonely and homeless, the realization of having no home becomes heavy and difficult to deal with.The feeling of having no family is part of a permanent emotional disease whose symptoms affect you on a daily basis.Living in a new city surrounded by unknown people who are equally heartless and hostile gives us a heavy feeling of longing and nostalgia.

Where is that home and where is that family? We have no one to go back to and no one to call our own. For a man like me who has no parents or family support, I have no one whom I can call a family. Living on my own moving from city to city has put in a permanent feeling of homelessness in me. For men who have left their toxic dysfunctional families, their lives and stories are similar to mine, the only difference being that they no longer want to go back to their dysfunctional families, for them their families are as good as dead.For the separated and the divorced , life is equally hard, having experienced the joys of a family, loneliness now brings a deep feeling of longing and nostalgia.

An urban city is a breeding ground for loneliness. You feel alone withing an ocean of people.You want to but cannot connect with unknown people. Every place in the city reminds you about loneliness:multiplexes, restaurants, grocery stores and many other places remind you about something that is missing. You see a couple who is madly in love with each other  and get a feeling of longing. When was the last time that you had a meaningful emotional contact?When was the last time when someone touched your soul.? We don't know, we cannot remember. Small children remind you of a child that you could never have or a father that you could never become. You sit in a restaurant and observe a family on the adjacent table enjoying their meal and having a wonderful time, it reminds you how long you have been eating alone without a family. Every family reminds you of something that you are not.

Where can we find solace? Orphans have no place to go to, you can't go back to your dysfunctional family, the divorced and the separated feel uncomfortable around their married relatives.

Delhi and the National Capital Region (NCR) is a paradoxical and contradictory city. There is a massive urban development going on in Gurgaon, Noida, Faridabad and Ghaziabad clutching along with Delhi. You find its inhabitants who are superficial and fake. Everyone seems to be exaggerating himself/herself. It is here where you find humanity dug in its deepest graveyard. You don't understand the culture or its people. You see and observe a lot.You see people aspiring for a fancy life without working hard for it, fast cash and easy money is a new found religion here, people of both the genders have high levels of cortisol and adrenaline hormones in their blood stream just waiting for aggression to burst out, pubbing and clubbing is a new form of worship.You meet men who want a fair skinned bride, women who want only well settled husbands earning more than 1 Lakh per month. Divorce and adultery is a normal thing.Marriages are no longer sacred here:Where is the sanctity of this ritual when alcohol flows like river and brides dance like bar dancers? A noble ceremony has become a materialistic ritual.The society and the culture of this city offends and repels you.

The opposite gender in this city seems to be extremely conceited, haughty , opportunistic and arrogant. Even their fake smiles carry an ulterior materialistic motive. You can't have a meaningful conversation with them.Even in relationships and marriages these women are busy meeting their own agendas. Relationships are made and broken here at the drop of a hat. It is here where you see women filling false rape and dowry cased against their boyfriends and husbands when relationships break down.The women of this region love to wash their dirty linen in public.

You meet some good Samaritans here and they tend to like you.They invite you to their homes and treat you with lunch and dinner. You feel normal, at least for some hours. The woman of the house cooks and serves you food, she reminds you of a sister in law you always wanted. The children connect with you reminding you of a niece/nephew you always wanted.You leave after having a wonderful time with the family and reach back to your house only to feel the vacuum of loneliness.

The men here are a of different lot. Their ignorance and stupidity never stops to amaze you, especially the men belonging to the hinterlands of north India. By getting married to some fair looking dames and fathering children, they think of themselves to be the Alexanders in their own right who have conquered an important territory and are enjoying the spoils of the war.They can't tolerate individualism and and often look down upon people like us who happen to be single.They remind us of our single status often through taunts and criticisms and we too give back acerbic replies to the point of offending their false pride and overinflated egos. We know better. These men have a really hard time in meeting the high expectations of their MADAMJI wives. As the day comes to an end, as a weekend approaches, people around you start making plans: a fancy restaurant to visit, a weekend gateway has been planned, a wedding/social function to attend, a new mall to visit and a lot more. You have no such plans and even if you did , you don't want to share. You go back to your house, it is a house that could never become a home. You tend to keep yourself occupied.

Whether we chose this life or this life chose us is something we ask ourselves everyday and find no answers. But still we continue living our lives on the basis of hope and the feeling than one day things will go well in future.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day, promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Writeup of Mr.Amit Deshpande-Men's rights activist in the website logical Indian

Dear Friends,

I would like to share the writeup by the prominent men's rights activist Mr.Amit Deshpande on the website-The Logical Indian in the link below:


He shares his bitter experience of marriage, how it became sour, faced a domestic violence case from his wife demanding a very high alimony. Mr.Amit Deshpade carried out a strong legal fight and ultimately got justice.

I have seen him on and off speaking on activism for the Indian men on social media and at Tedx talks. Never knew that he too had a difficult past. The single Indian man respects his struggle and pays him a tribute on his relentless campaign for men's right.

His story is also an eye opener for many single men like us who are trying to find brides through online matrimonial forums. Beware!!! Things are really not what they seem. Do a thorough check on all women before you settle down.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Friday, February 17, 2017

Yes sir/madam, your sons and daughters can get married and live happily ever after, not people like us.

I write this blogspot in a form of a conversation to a man/woman who is above 50, has children who are now married and living happily. The man/woman could also be a grandparent having adorable and lovely grandchildren.

Yes sir/madam, I am very happy for you, you have fulfilled all your responsibilities, it is commendable.It seems that you have come to know me through a mutual acquaintance, you have become close to me, you have seem to have taken some kind of liking for men, somewhere down the line I remind you of your own child, I remind you of a son you wished to have.That is why you are concerned for me.My age is going by and you are wondering why I am still not married? Why I am still single? You advice me on the importance of marriage and its importance in the Indian society.You speak on loneliness and isolation that single people face once they become old.

I understand that, but what can men like me do? Having no parents or having left our dysfunctional families  for good, what options do we have? Who is there to represent us? Whom can we call a family? Sir/Madam, as of now you must have had your fair share of experience in this system of holy matrimony.You very well know that it is not a union of two individuals but an alliance of between two respectable  families. I am sure this was the criteria when you went out scouting  for an eligible groom/bride  for your son/daughter. So we come back to the statement written in the heading.Do we even stand for a decent chance of getting married? Will the decent families even consider us as a suitable husband for their daughters/sisters?

This is open to conjecture.It is very easy to advise and lecture, it is easy to judge and it is very easy to pass comments but it is extremely difficult to live by example.

So Sir/Madam, you can remain happy with your children getting married. Kindly stop worrying about us, fact is that no one cares for orphans. We will eventually find our way to live alone and you need not be concerned.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Are today's urban singles actually desperate and miserable?-DOTSIM-BHAVEEN HETH

A few days ago I read this article on social media titled as "How India's cool singles are actually more miserable than ever" written by Mr.Sanjay Austa.

I agree with him that today's singles are actually living a miserable life.They may claim and proclaim that they are living the moment and don't need a man or a woman to support them and a lot more bullshit.But the truth is that internally many are unhappy with their single status.

In India, once your cross 30, marriage prospects fall down disproportionately.It is more difficult for a female to seek a mate.Men don't have an easy chance either.Both genders look out for suitable mates only to hit a dead end with no progress ahead.

In our society no one prepares you for living a solo life.You are constantly brainwashed about finding your soulmate with whom you will live ever after.Many singles are not emotionally strong to live a solo life, they don't want to be single forever and are desperately seeking a spouse no matter what they say.

Desperation levels are so high that these singles try to find a potential soul mate at each and every place, it can be the office, apartments, gymnasium, pubs and even coffee shops. This is the level of desperation.

The author Sanjay Austa states that there is no one who is truly single in India.I would like to counter his statement by saying that there are genuine and authentic single people living in India.There are men and women who have made the decision to live solo after a lot of deliberation.There are singles on whom wisdom dawned upon at an early age and they decided to live single.They decided and even planned their lives in that manner.Accepting single hood wholeheartedly is the first most important battle to be one.Gradually over the years they have negotiated their way in the society which is prejudiced and discriminatory towards single people.These people know how to spend their time by engaging themselves in creative and social activities.They are strong enough to deal with problems and difficulties.

Coming back to the desperate miserable single , fact be stated that they are not truly single as the ones I have mentioned in the above paragraph. These people keep whining about their single status. Single women keep making impractical statements like "Koi accha to milna chahiye" (I should come across some decent man), the single men have this entitlement syndrome, just because they are well qualified and earn a decent salary, they deserve the most beautiful women, add to that is the family expectation that the girl should give up her job and career and become a housewife. Some of these men don't find any suitable matches and keep on getting rejected by potential women, either their behavior is abnormal or they are not the presentable kind.Sky high expectation amongst both the genders is the reason why we find a rising population of 30 plus singletons.The second reason is the unwillingness to compromise. How do you expect to get hitched when you happen to be so inflexible.It is seems that pragmatism has become a casualty of our times. Superficial attributes and face value have become the most important criteria for considering a soul mate.Where are those day when people courted each other with no expectations.

We have 90 percent miserable singletons both men and women living in India.You still see them shacked up in their parent's homes in spite of being in their 30s and 40s. They don't posses any life skills. Speaking about the single men, they live with their parents, go to work, come home ,eat food, watch television and go to sleep.They don't have any hobbies and engagements, they have never traveled solo beyond the confines of their cities.While they may say that they are happily living a solo life, their parents (and sometimes they themselves) are looking out and meeting some potential woman in order to get married. Yaaa, they do want to get married.

And now the talk on the single women. They are nowhere close to the ones whom you would have seen in the famous American TV sitcoms  like "Sex and the city" and "Friends". Many of them are narrow minded and traditional. They too are shacked up in their parents homes or are sharing apartments with like minded single girlies.They too are living a mediocre life of going about doing their jobs and earning a living and like the single men they are equally miserable.You will see these women at beauty salons, gyms and shopping malls blowing up their hard earned money trying to look good and buying useless and unwanted things just to fulfill their shopping itch. Forget about traveling solo, for all the feminism and empowerment they speak of, they can't muster up the courage of crossing the  geographical limits of their cities on their own. Ohhh, I forgot to mention, they can't cook, yes , you heard it right they can't handle the kitchen.It is either their moms or their housemaids who are cooking for them and handling the house and if for some reason the mother falls sick or the house maid does not come for a day, all hell breaks loose.You will find such women,plenty of them on tinder and online matrimonial sites, all looking out for companionship and marriage.

These people are not really single, they are just pretending to be single because they don't want to be looked upon an unmarriageable or matrimonially disadvantaged.

Being truly single is a different thing.It is about focusing on oneself , looking inwardly and improving on a day to day basis.It is about having hobbies and engaging oneself after office hours.Truly single people travel solo to different places in order to order to gain experience and get a better perspective about life.They make meaningful relationship with people, have engaging conversations with the opposite gender ,have relationships with them.Truly single people do not lament on their single hood, they celebrate it.Truly single people accept themselves for who they are, they don't need someone to validate them.Truly single people are sane and have a sense of equanimity. Skilfully navigating through the tortuous path of the Indian society can only be done by truly single people.Truly single people openly defy and resist the institution of marriage in their own creative way and become an admirable example for others.

And as India has a rising urban population of single people in their 30s and 40, the truly single people are a minority and a majority are made of people who are miserably single.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

DEALING WITH LONELINESS

Loneliness is  one thing that affects a lot of singletons. This is a kind of a malady that becomes chronic in evenings, weekends and public holidays.

In this blog post, I, Bhaveen Sheth, the Single Indian man writes down my own experiences on dealing with loneliness.It is not easy dealing with loneliness, it was never easy and it will never be easy. However over the years living alone has made me a stronger person.

There is an old saying that goes by stating that an ideal mind is a devil's workshop.Many single Indian men living alone take up bad and evil habits in order to deal with loneliness. I have avoided this path and can proudly say that I am living a single life filled with hobbies and creativity.

My deep interests in reading and writing keeps me engaged. Movies and American television series are my secondary passions and I love to watch them during my free time.

I believe that every person needs to find a higher meaning in his life, a meaning in which he feels that he can make a difference.Some may find it their chosen vocation while others may find it outside. I strongly stand for men's rights in India and have a dream of becoming a spokesperson for a men's rights group.

Being a veteran in living alone for a long time ( now almost 17 years), I focus on my health and well being. After all there is no one who will take care of me. I try eating properly and exercise regularly. There are times when i am not able to keep up my daily schedule but still I try.I don't want to look like those middle aged uncles with pot bellies hanging.I idolise Milind Soman and want to look like him when I turn 50, athletic, fit and fabulous.he is my inspiration behind. running marathons.

Mastering life skills is very important for all of us who are staying alone. While I am able to manage a house independently, I am still struggling with the fine art of cooking.I have decided that when I relocate some where else, I will rent a flat preferably 1 BHK and learn cooking skills on my own.There in no point in surviving on mess, parcels and takeouts for your entire life.

To overcome loneliness one needs to set a new goal that has to be achieved. When your mind in occupied in trying to achieve something, you don't get affected by loneliness.So it is always that new movie that I have to watch, a new skill that I need to learn, a new place to visit, new books to read and movies to download.Never get bothered by the negativity and toxicity of loneliness.There are times when I feel sad and I am sure many single men do the same. There are ups and downs but when faced with such kind of situations, try not to get affected by it. In my case I try to pick up a book and read.

Over the years i have stopped having hopes of getting married. If I am to meet my soulmate , it will happen, however i cannot associate that one event of my life with happiness.People call me selfish and materialistic for not getting married and I hardly care.There is no shortage of women in this country especially amongst the 30 plus urban educated class.Do a demographic study and you will find a large number of 30 and 40 plus single, never married, separated, divorced single women and one doesn't need to chase them around, it is they who are desperately looking out for men.

And finally last but not the least, I have stopped visiting places or attending social functions that remind me of being a single left out person. There is a post that i plan to write on why I stopped attending marriages, so you can expect to read it later. I tend to visit places/events that celebrate individualism and solo life.

Ending this post, I would like to state that living  alone and dealing with loneliness is a big challenge especially in India. However one needs to find his own way to happiness.

This Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be aback with a lot more.

Friday, January 20, 2017

I AM SINGLE NOT A LOSER

This blog spot is dedicated to many single Indian men who have chosen to remain single either out of choice or destiny and to the divorced and separated men who have chosen never to marry again. This write up is for strengthening our resolve and give a befitting reply to the society that treats us like failures and losers.

In India, marriage defines an individual, both men and women. By a certain age one has to get married and if that does not happen , one has to be ready to face the criticism from the society.

At 34 (and just some months before I turn 35), I am called a loser :a man who failed to find a suitable match, a man who is still not married, not settled and does not have children.

It is very easy to brand a 30 or 40 year plus single Indian man a loser. People have even given me other names for remaining single, I am called commitment phobic, irresponsible, immature, negative and pessimistic. I am sure many single Indian men who are currently reading this post would have also faced similar situations.

Seriously!! Please tell me one thing: What makes me and men of my kind losers? I am sure you have no answer. Presently I am single and happy living a solo life. I have still not come across someone with whom I can make a connection.But I am not breaking any law, am I ?

Unlike frustrated single Indian men, I am content with myself, I enjoy my own company, take myself out to dinners and movies regularly. I pursue my hobbies and passions rigorously. Does that make me a loser?

And does marriage hold any importance in today's society these days?Are people happily married the way they claim in social media? I seriously have my doubts.

When did that one institution make someone a winner/loser. Just because I don't have a woman by my side does not make me a dork.

Individualism in India has never been respected. Anyone who is happily living a single life is considered selfish. But the society does not rest at that. It goes further in branding single Indian men as failures.This term has been concocted by the Indian feminists and feminazis who don't want any single Indian man to feel adequate. Amazingly ,a single Indian woman in glorified. She is labelled as a strong, educated,modern, liberated 21st century woman. It looks like the Indian feminists are insecure about many Indian Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW). They are scared that a day will come when Indian men will not consider these modern urban single women for marriage.

So what do the feminists do? They make a term called LOSER and use their good offices in the media to spread the message that all single Indian men are losers.

The fact is that the so called real loser Indian men get married by hook or by crook. Their parents do their best to get a suitable matrimonial alliance for them. Intelligent mature Indian men take a rational decision of remaining single after a lot of thought.These are the facts.

I end this blog with a quote:


This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Thursday, January 19, 2017

An open letter to the father of an unmarriageable daughter

My dear sir,

Greetings from the single Indian male.If you or your daughter have been reading my blog, I am sure your must be having a sufficient details about my background.

So here I am writing an open letter to you.This is on behalf of many single Indian men of my kind who are now in their 30s and 40s and still not married.We are well settled, have good educational qualifications and hold jobs in reputed organizations. Above all we are happy and content with our lives and have no regrets in being single.

And then we happen to meet men like you. It just happens to be an incidental meeting. You realise that we are single and immediately decide that we would be the one for your unwanted unmarriageable daughter who is now in her 30s and 40s. My dear sir, what made you come to this conclusion?How did you even think that this was a remote possibility? Don't we have a choice?

And now, I, Bhaveen Sheth, the single Indian male would like to speak with you on a personal level. based on my experiences and those shared with me by other single Indian men.Please have a look at your own daughter?Have you ever analyzed why she is still single, divorced or separated?I know what you will say. You will state that her destiny is bad, her stars are not good or she has not found the right one.And if she were divorced or separated, you will openly criticize and find faults with her ex-husband and in-laws. I have heard it all.

The actual problem lies with you and your unwanted unmarriageable daughter.Pardon me if I am sounding like a typical male chauvinistic pig, but the truth is the truth and I am just stating factual reality. You daughter's current status is her own undoing.

Your daughter is single because she has set unreasonable high standards that are impossible to find in any Indian man.Such men exist only in fantasy or in the entertainment industry.Every potential match that she has met has eventually been rejected.Empowered with an education, career and above average looks , your daughter is over the moon.She thinks that her knight will come in a shinning Armour and sweep her off, she imagines of having a perfect gentleman in her life.But sir, this is India and now one here perfect, including your daughter.During her late 20s kept on rejecting potential suitors and now in her 30s, there are no decent men available in the marriage market.The filtered men who are there are way below their standards.

You are a worried man and you have all the reasons to be tensed at this moment. You are now a senior citizen,the daughters of all your relatives, friends and peers are married while your daughter is still single.Everyday it becomes difficult for you to show your face to people because you are faced with one embarrassing question "When will your daughter get married"? Social functions have now turned into painful humiliations for you.And yet, your daughter will not compromise on her standards, yet your daughter is not willing to meet a man who is below her set standards.Every other weekend you are trying to get your daughter to meet some single eligible bachelor in order to make an alliance, but nothing works out. It is  your daughter who is now getting rejected.You see, men prefer marrying a younger women and your daughter is well into her 30s. A woman is also looked from the point of her reproductive ability. In marriage every man would like to have a child and since your daughter is now touching her mid 30s, she is considered as an OFF THE SHELF material. Even if she were to get married and conceive, the risks related to child birth are high. Who would want such a woman? Only divorced men or widowers would prefer having an alliance with your daughter. But with the high standards that your daughter has , I don't think she would even consider them.

And sir!! Have your looked at the traits of your daughter?Don't you think that she is a way too arrogant? If she really thinks that she is a strong independent single Indian women, why is she so desperate to get married? Why are you so anxious to get her hitched? This truth is that in India, marriage still remains to be the single most sacred institution in the society;no matter how flawed it may be.Marriage defines and shapes the identity of a woman.Marriage makes her part of the society, gives her a sense of protection and security.

Ask me, I am orphan and have no family. No one cares for me, no one considers me to be a human being, no one invites me to any social function.I am an outcast, this how the society treats single people. And because I am male, no one troubles me , the same is not applicable to a single woman.

The years are going by and your daughter is not getting any younger. Day by day she is getting depressed and frustrated and still you have not been able to find a suitable match for her.There are now only a few good men available and even they would not consider getting married to your daughter. Really sad.

Sir, please could you tell me on why do you resort to cheap and unethical practices to get your daughter married?Why do you lie about your daughter?Why sir? What makes you so unethical? The reality is that you just want to get your daughter married, by hook or crook.

I fail to understand. Why do you make your daughter's profile on these online matrimonial sites?And on top of that you state that it has been made by her.Why do you accept and express interests? Can't you leave that decision with your daughter? The truth is that your daughter does not want to use the online platform to find a groom. She is simply not interested. Your write up on her are exactly opposite of what she is.  You lie. I have read and have got tired on such matrimonial profiles.

This letter will be incomplete if I don't mention your meeting with potential grooms, guys like me. I am amazed, while you claim of belonging to a modern , open minded and cosmopolitan family, why do you enquire so much about my caste, sub-caste, gotra, religion and family background? Why do you dig into each and every detail?Your daughter and myself are way past our marriageable ages, so why all these questions?Why do you treat me like a 20 year old immature boy when you know that I am well into my 30s and 40s. You also seem to take a lot of interest in the salary I earn, the designation I hold and the organisation that I work for. I am certainly no jobless, homeless broke beggar. I am not bankrupt. So why do you treat me like that. I could have understood if your daughter was in her early 20s, young, nubile and vulnerable, but she is in her 30s and 40s, so why all these questions? Sir, why do you give unwanted and unnecessary advice? Why do you advice me on my career and personal life? Why are you insisting that I should buy a 4 wheeler and a 2 bedroom hall kitchen flat when I am comfortable with my 2 wheeler and rented apartment.If you really want a perfect suitor then why did you fail to get her married when she was in her 20s.

Sir, did I hear that you wanted to investigate me?You want to investigate my background? You send your relatives to find out about me. My office colleague informed me that a week ago some well dressed guy was inquiring about me and asking all sorts of weird questions.I also got summoned at the HR department and was told that since the last 2 weeks someone was calling and asking details about me.The HR department also showed me a mail sent from some anonymous email ID asking for a reference check.This evening when I reached my residence, I was told by my landlord that one unknown person was inquiring about me.Why sir? Why do you resort to such cheap behaviour?Why do you do this when I have high levels of transparency.Imagine how you would have felt if I had done the same with your daughter.Does't your daughter have a past? Doesn't she have a broken relationship or ex-boyfriend? C'mon, please don't lie.

You discuss the terms and conditions of marriage. You tell how and when the marriage should take place.You tell me where and how should I live after marriage.Who are you? My father/guardian. Stop dominating others and get a life.

Did I hear that you want to inspect the place that I am currently inhabiting?So now you will come and visit my house and also inspect the washroom in which I urinate and defecate everyday. Wow! So much for a man who has an unmarriageable daughter.

Before meeting me, did you mention about me to your daughter? Did you share my profile with her? I guess not! It is you who is deciding everything even when your daughter who is way past her 30s and can take her own decisions.But I have one doubt! Is your daughter really mature? I don't think so. Because if she were, she certainly would have taken an active interest in  getting married. But she still remains immature like a Cinderella who is still expecting her prince charming.She relates herself to one characters in the famous TV sitcom "Sex and the City". This is her problem, she is an Alice lost in her own wonderland.She needs to understand that she should come out of her own fantasy land and live in mainland India.

The arrogance of your daughter offends me. Yes, it really does!You happen to send your daughter across for a meeting because you advised me to meet your daughter in person.But this meeting turns out to be disgraceful.I am insulted and humiliated by your daughter.She doesn't want to know me as a person;she wants to know how educated I am, how much I earn, how and where I live, what car I drive etc etc.. I feel that I have been treated as some kind of potential candidate who should match her expectations and specifications.I am ridiculed; I am mocked. "Why are you still an assistant manager?"After all these years , why are you still a team leader and not a project manager?" "What! You own a Maruti Alto, how cheap? "You still live with your parents?" "When will you buy a house?"These are the questions that your daughter has asked me. I am made to feel like a looser, like a man who has not achieved anything in life.And over all things your daughter shows off her remarkable mediocre achievements. Was this meeting fixed to decide a matrimonial alliance or compare career achievements of two different professionals?

If your daughter has achieved so much , then why did she fail to get married? Why she has not found her suitable match at the age of 35?Girls who have passed higher secondary school have got married. You have said the she is a doctor/engineer/MBA from one of India's prestigious colleges, that she is working with a very good organization and has a rising career graph.So tell me sir, why is she still not married? I will tell you why? It is her conceited attitude and arrogance that repels any person who meets her. When your daughter was in her late 20s, she got a sadistic high in rejecting potential suitors. You wanted the best for your daughter. What were your intentions? You think marriage is about buying some fancy product?

So tell me sir, tell me, how do you feel when you see your daughter now getting rejected? That too after having all sorts of achievements and accomplishments! Tell me how do you feel when you realize that your daughter in an OFF THE SHELF product in the matrimonial marker.

This post is incomplete if I don't mention other unmarriageable daughters:the divorcees, the separated and the single mothers. God! I have met many of your kind.In spite of what happened, you don't accept the reality. You don't sit and think retrospectively on what went wrong with your daughter in her previous marriage. You blame her stars, circumstances, her ex husband and in-laws for everything.Don't you think that your daughter was at fault to some extent?Don't you think that in trying to find a perfect match you made a massive blunder? Admit it, you were wrong.So even before the embers of her past relationships have cooled down, you start looking out for another suitable boy.Don't you feel that you should give your daughter at least 2 years to come out of a divorce/separation?Why do you want to jump from a frying pan directly into the burning flame.I can understand. It is not easy having a divorced/separated daughter living in your house.The society mocks and taunts you.Your daughter is treated like an outcast amongst her own family members. Things are difficult if she has a child from her previous marriage.You get up everyday and see daughter without a spouse , a small child without a father, so you take it upon yourself to find a suitable groom.

One of the biggest disappointments for many single Indian men is to meet these divorcee/separated women for a potential matrimonial alliance. Most of these women are sad and depressed, as if they have lost interest in living.Such women never get out of their failed marriages.Your daughter keeps expressing the sad events that took place in her previous marriage.She keeps blaming her ex-husband and in laws for everything.She tell her sorry tale of living as a divorcee in the present times. It is not easy for men like us to meet women who keeps on speaking negative things all the time.And to add to my misery your whole family tries to convince me to get married to her. Why all this pleading?Isn't you daughter educated, working and empowered to take care of herself?SO WHY BEG? And yaa, did I forget to mention that you put terms and conditions once again if marriage works out.You still want things to happen your way. Haven't you learnt any lessons?Your daughter is a divorcee, you very well know how the society treats such women. You should be thankful if some good person has agreed to marry her in the first place.

This post has been written by a wise person. You can call me all kinds of expletives that exist in the English dictionary but my dear sir facts are facts and I have laid them bare in this post.Either you become reasonable and find a decent man for your daughter without having sky high expectations or your daughter can  join the growing population of DEJECTED AND REJECTED single  Indian women within their 30s and 40s who now have no takers.

THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off and promise to be back with a lot more.




Monday, January 9, 2017

Just because we are orphans doesn't mean we don't have the right to live a normal life

In this blogspot, I would like to put my feelings on behalf of many orphans like me who are denied the right to live a dignified life by the Indian society.

There are times when I wonder whether that India as a country in general and Indian society in particular denies a dignified life to its orphaned people.

We all know what happens to orphan children on streets, I don't need to say more. But there are many who work hard and make a life for themselves , achieving success single handedly with no support or help. And yet they are denied a dignified life by the Indian society which only thinks that dignity is to be accorded to people who belong to a RESPECTABLE FAMILY.

As self made men we are not respectable just because we don't have a family who can represent us. The society for some reason believes in segregating us and having us quarantined. Social exclusion is an unspoken rule that the society follows in our case.

And we are humans too. Why do people forget that. We were also someone's children. Is it our fault that we lost our parents? Is it our fault that our destiny was bad? Aren't we human beings? What wrong have we done that we get such a sub human and inhuman treatment?

We also have aspirations, dreams and feelings. We wish to connect, we wish to be included and we seek validation. We also aspire for a spouse, family, children and happiness, we crave for human touch, we want someone to reach out to our disturbed lonely souls and make us feel human. But what we get is rejection and denial. People don't think twice before insulting and humiliating us. Eventually we give up and move on with living our lives.

And when we go about minding our own lives, we are again criticised for living a wayward single life.So here I make a clear point to many men of my kind. We have the right to live our lives, go ahead, backpack, travel, watch movies, take yourself to a good restaurant, read good books and improve the quality of your life. Because the Indian society does not want us and we should not expect anything form it either. But remember, we should not stop living a life of fulfilment and happiness just because we are orphans.