Surviving as an Orphan

When I searched the Meaning of this Word on Dictionary I found the Following:

1.

a child who has lost both parents through death, or, less commonly, one parent.

2.

a young animal that has been deserted by or has lost its mother.

 

3.a person or thing that is without protective affiliation, sponsorship, etc.: The committee is an orphan of the previous administration.

 

It is at times difficult for me to belong to this category. I am not an Orphan by Birth but an Orphan but by Destiny. To cut the Long Story Short I lost my loved ones in a tragedy and the ones who were supposed to take care of me just walked away from their responsibility leaving me abandoned and having to fend for myself.

I am not here to ask for any help or for any sympathies, all I want to do is express and pen down my feelings.

Living in India, as an Orphan and being a part of the professional social mobile upward class is Difficult.Had I belonged to a poor class living in some slum area, I would have found persons of my kind, orphaned and abandoned. But in the Social Class that I live in and move about, I have not found any person of my kind with whom I can relate to.

 Everyone I see around me has a family,parents, relatives, spouses and children. While I, am all by my self.

  

There are many Challenges that I face and Emptiness that I feel around me.I would like to mention this below.

Emotional Deprivation 

A common thing felt by all Orphans and I am no different. Though I was given unconditional love and affection during my childhood, I never received any of it in my later years.And having got the same I will not deny this fact that there are times I do miss the affection that was given to me.Whenever I see people getting love and affection from their near and dear ones, I feel a void in my Heart.

And not having got any care and affection I have become emotionally deprived, basic emotions are hard for me to display , emotions like Love, Affection,Intimacy, Care, Romantic overtures and many such positive emotions.Having faced Harsh realities of life I am pragmatic and stoical. This is something that normal people to not understand.

Being emotionally deprived makes it difficult to associate with someone on the emotional front.Allowing someone to come in our life and then being abandoned is not something that I want again. I have gone through this situations once and I know how difficult was it to come out of the same. I am not even able to pick up emotions expressed by others and even reciprocate to it.

The Feeling of Helplessness

Nothing can be worse in life than the feeling of helpless. I have been in difficult situations and don't know what the future holds, but the feeling of being alone and having no one to support you is miserable. Yes, I agree that facing difficult situations makes me strong but even then having no one to help in life is a reality.

A World ready to take Advantage

The World is filled with materialistic and manipulative people always ready to take advantage, and more so one finds such people plenty in number in the Indian Society. Soon after knowing my conditions they think they can exploit me to their advantage and get their things done. They try to manipulate me by forging some fictitious relation. They claim that they care for me. In reality there is nothing like that and even I know the fact that they are trying to take advantage of me. Hence I try to avoid or even shun such people.

And when I don't do things as per their expectations and interests, they get angry and start giving empty threats. They start threatening me with the doomsday scenario. 

I consider these people worst than Vultures and Kites because such birds prey on the dead but these manipulative people prey on the Helpless.

An Outcast for the Society

A lot has been spoken and written on Widows, Divorcees,Separated persons and Physically and Mentally challenged individuals. Indian Society is no good for the category of people that I have mentioned above but no one mentions anything on the type of selective discrimination practiced against orphans. Though no one speaks openly, it becomes an unwritten rule that I cannot be accepted by the Society. No good family wants to associate with me, no individuals wants to be with me for a long term and no family would want their daughter to marry me.

After all I am an Orphan and who there to represent me???? Who will take my guarantee??? No decent family wants to trust me. They will marry their daughters off to the Filthiest men available on this planet just becasue such men have a family, but a decent orphan like me stands no chane.

Before I used to keep up some hope that I may find a soul mate who will be understanding but now I have given it up. I have realized that the Indian Society has double standards, having closely seen it, I have lost my faith in it and have decided to remain single and have a Bohemian Lifestyle.

A long Arduous Journey Ahead and I will be covering it Alone.

There is a long Journey ahead of me, the Journey of Life. I don't know where it will be leading me to and what places I will be going but whatever it will me I will be going alone with no support , help or companionship.