Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Indian society is equally intolerant of free spirited single Indian men-Bhaveen Sheth DOTSIM

Sometime back , I read an article which spoke on an extreme level of intolerance of the Indian society towards free spirited single Indian women.However it failed to mention on an equal level or even more intolerance directed towards free spirited single Indian men.

Our society has never accepted the so called single status of people and has always detested people who have chosen to live a single life.While single Indian women are detested for not getting married and giving birth to a child, single Indian men are hated for not getting married, settling down and living a decent family life. Single Indian men are often accused of being vagabounds.

Indian society is made up of various likes and dislikes, at times it contradicts its very own structure,foundation and values.

Tolerance towards single Indian men especially those who are free spirited and live a happy life is extremely limited. In India, you won't find men who are single, somehow they get married, those who are not married are in the process of being hitched. I can't vouch the same for the single Indian women. Men who stay single out of their own choice face  lots of criticism and taunts.The society blacklists and debars them.Limited people will associate with them, their very existence is a source of criticism.

Single free spirited men are seen as a threat to the normal order of the Indian society.Since childhood we have been indoctrinated into following the routine protocol of life, you know, getting a good education, getting a job, getting married, settling down and having children.So what happens when some Indian men stay single out of their own choice and challenge this society order?They are certainly bound to become a source of envy and hatred.

It takes a lot of strength, courage and resilience for  Indian men to remain single.The decision to stay single is itself a difficult one to make.Once you start enjoying your own company and start living your life, you draw the attention of other people, free spirited single Indian men can do a lot of things that their married counterparts cannot.With no responsibilities over us , we are eagles soaring high in the skies.By staying single we disturb the natural order of the society hence we are disliked, we are branded irresponsible as we don not undertake the responsibilities of a family and fatherhood.No one is willing to accept the fact that we are pursuing our own interest at the cost of sacrificing our married life.

Our lifestyle is a big question mark for many. Most people think that we boose, take drugs, watch pronograpic movies,womanize and live a shabby life, that is certainly not the case. Now we cannot go around justifying our existence, can we? Remaining single allows us to pursue the activities of our own interests, we are more content with our lives compared to our married peers.Many single Indian men take a step further to take good care of themselves, age gracefully, become voracious readers and wonderful conversationalists.These men shine out, so they get hated, single men also do not have the financial woes that married folks have, no home loans, no car loans, no school and college fees to pay. Thirties and forties are a bliss for the single Indian men. So now tell me , why won't the single guys be hated.

Indian society will always remain intolerant, it does not accept the minority or diverse people.We often see its hatred directed towards its religious minorities , low castes, dark skinned people, north east Indians, the LTGB community , widows, divorcees and singles. Ohhh and not to forget the hatred towards the non-vegetarian eaters and those who exercise their freedom of speech.

We the single Indian men are free spirited souls, we have chosen this life, we don't need confirmation from idiotic and stupid married Indian men who claim to be representing the society, we don't need any advice and we don't want help.If the society hates, so be it. Who and what is the Indian society? It is made up of four people who will always have something critical to say no matter what you do.

The society is never going to accept us as we have violated its norms, rules and laws and we don't need its acceptance either.Our married peers will always have something to say. What you will eventually carry to your death bed are memories and experiences, do your best to make them look good.Looking back it is these memories that will bring a smile on your face. So go ahead and life your free spirited life without bothering about others.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Friday, June 16, 2017

The good Indian woman is dead-Bhaveen Sheth DOTSIM

In this writeup, Bhaveen Sheth , the single Indian man writes an obituary for the good Indian woman, he honestly pays a tribute to all the good things she did for her family and the society.She is one of those nameless and faceless woman who has never been appreciated. In this write up I put in my thoughts for her appreciation and adulation.




The dawn of the 21st century has been difficult for the Indian society. In the last two decades we have seen a rapid transformation on the side of the Indian women, but this transformation has been for the worse,We get to seen a lot of arm chair feminists, pseudo feminists, middle class Indian princesses and of course feminazis. It is only after dealing with such women does one realize the importance and the relevance of good Indian women.They were the women who were there in our father's and grandfather's times, they were the real women of substance, their feminine presence and charm was wonderful, their demeanor and grace commanded respect, they converted simple houses into wonderful homes, what wonderful women they were.

They too used to be ambitious but they chose to put the needs and requirements of the family before theirs.They worked hard in bringing up a family, raising children and maintaining strong family bonds.They did all the housework without cribbing or complaining, they sat down and tutored their children, cooked meals and served it to their husbands and gave them good company.They were certainly not materialistic, small things made them happy, seeing their family happy brought joy to them. They did not get sucked into this wave of feminism. Some of them worked in offices and institutions and yet did not neglect their families.After work they would go home, cook and prepare for the next day. 

They were cost conscious as they would even save a small penny for the future.Narcissism and self obsession was never a part of their personality trait.Guests were always entertained at home and these women would make it a point to play the role of good hostesses without being asked for.Their cooking skills were exemplary, each woman was a master cook in her own way.Their speeches and conversations were wonderful, never did they use abusive language filled with expletives and profanities.They took care of the elders and took up the role of dutiful daughters. They were givers of love and affection.Some of these women were not educated but they were extremely skillful and street smart. All of them were wonderful in their own way.They were the epitome of a wonderful family and a pillar of the Indian society. Today we miss them badly, these women no longer exist, at best they are an endangered species and at worse they are extinct.

As I come to the end of this post , I clearly state that we are now seeing a new toxic species of Indian women who have been indoctrinated into the wrong ideas of feminism. These women will not cook, they will not clean, and they will not take care of their homes.All they will do is study bullshit educational courses, get worthless degrees that have no employment value, undertake jobs that are boring and miserable and claim that they are the strong empowered Indian women. They will spend their entire salaries on beautifying themselves.They are too self centred,too self obsessed and narcissistic.Maturity has never dawned upon them.To tell you the truth, no one wants them, no man wants them as a wife, no parent want them as a daughter, no one wants them as a daughter in law.These women have become unwanted even in their homes Their parents see them as an unwanted burden. Day by day their(parents) worry rises , after all ,which decent man would like to marry such a woman. 

One will find scores of such women  in India mostly in their 30's and 40's who are still single and miserable.And if any of you women belonging to this category are reading this post , I suggest that you have a good look at yourself and what you really are. A good Indian woman in spite of all her imperfections is always desired.Women of your kind will always be considered unwanted.This is the real truth of many Indian women of today's times.

Ending this post, I feel sad that our society has fallen to such miserable times. As Indian men we miss the good Indian women.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

When Single Indian women face the sum of all fears-Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM

The sum of all fears is a quote made by the belligerent late British Prime Minister Mr.Winston Churchill.To put is simply it means when all your realized and unrealized fears become true and you find it difficult to face them.

The same applies to all these thirty (30) plus single Indian women. There are many incidents or events that happen forcing these women to face the sum of all their fears. So what exactly happens? Well, it is an avalanche of all problems that come together when these women hit their early 30's.Things don't go the way they have imagined.Marriage prospects start drying up, peer pressure to get married increases,parents age and start having health problems, life is not easy.These women have never realized the major problems that are going to hit them at a certain point of time.

And one day something finally hits them and hits them hard.Marriage prospects decline,rejections get multiplied,parents suffer from ill health, siblings get married and start having a family, friends also get married, hormonal changes happen, the need for companionship and craving for motherhood goes up.Things don't happen the way they wanted and life takes a different turn.This is what I call as the sum of all fears.

No matter how strong Indian women claim to be, they are weak.They need support and companionship and if they don't get it, they will break down. Life then takes a downward spiral.

And if you happen to be that single Indian women reading this post ,I kindly request you to think again.No matter how much you cherish your single hood a day will come when you will face the sum of all fears.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lo more.

Monday, March 27, 2017

DEALING WITH COMPLICATED MATRIMONIAL ALLIANCES

At the time of writing this post I am just two (2) months short of turning 35.As of now I am content with my solo life and enjoy every bit of it. I try to find happiness in small things and have no regrets or complaints.

However people are not happy to see me single. In a society where everyone is married,I stand out for being single.People want to see me married and there is where the problem lies.

I belong to a questionable and distrustful family background.The so called reputed and respected families would not prefer me.No matter how aged their daughters/sister may be,they still prefer men from decent families.

Alliances do come for me. Close friends and sometimes colleagues speak to people they know and try to fix a match and for me this is a grave area of disappointment.Most of these alliances are equally complicated.Here I tend to come across women who are not getting married for obvious reasons, some are obese,some dark skinned, shot, ugly looking, divorced, single mothers,women from dysfunctional families and a lot more.Some women may come from a normal family but their individual personalities are complicated.In my case on the individual front but with zero family background I stand ineligible.Hence when my side of the story is narrated to these complicated women ,they find me acceptable.I often hear people say that this particular girl is okay with your family background or they don't mind my not having a family.But I know better.These women are accepting me because they don't have any choice.It is like the Hobson's choice.I stand out to be the best of the worst choices that many of these women have to make.The other choices available to these women are divorcees,single fathers,middle-aged and old men and men who are equally ugly and disgusting.And yaaa,not to forget that all these men ask for a fat dowry.

These complicated alliances can never work out because at the end somewhere wither you or the woman end up making major compromises.The alliance is itself need based and symbiotic,It is not based on understanding,liking or compassion.

I can understand what many of these women go through.An advancing age,society and family pressure,desperate need to get married and a lot more.The common thing seen in these women is that many have neglected themselves in terms of looks and physical appearance.They tend to have become obese and do not look presentable.Another trait common with these women is that they have major emotional and behavioral issues,they tend to be erratic and unstable.These symptoms are an outcome of being left behind, neglected and left out.In our society a 30 plus woman is always treated badly,she is often ridiculed and insulted.This leads to a massive build up rage and aggression.Anger,rage,dejection and desperation is a dangerous combination.

And it is with these points written above,I realize why do complicated matrimonial alliances find me unacceptable.I hold no grudges or grievance.In our society everyone has the right to get married or seek alliances but experience has taught me that relations formed under desperation do no last for long.This is why I don't consider these complicated alliances very well knowing that things will not work out on a long term basis.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing of for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

An eternity of loneliness, longing and nostalgia

In this blogpost, I write down my thoughts and feelings on an eternity of loneliness, longing and nostalgia felt by many single Indian men living all by themselves in metropolitan cities of India. This post is primarily written from the perspective of a single Indian man living in Delhi-NCR.

It is in an alien city that we feel extremely lonely and homeless, the realization of having no home becomes heavy and difficult to deal with.The feeling of having no family is part of a permanent emotional disease whose symptoms affect you on a daily basis.Living in a new city surrounded by unknown people who are equally heartless and hostile gives us a heavy feeling of longing and nostalgia.

Where is that home and where is that family? We have no one to go back to and no one to call our own. For a man like me who has no parents or family support, I have no one whom I can call a family. Living on my own moving from city to city has put in a permanent feeling of homelessness in me. For men who have left their toxic dysfunctional families, their lives and stories are similar to mine, the only difference being that they no longer want to go back to their dysfunctional families, for them their families are as good as dead.For the separated and the divorced , life is equally hard, having experienced the joys of a family, loneliness now brings a deep feeling of longing and nostalgia.

An urban city is a breeding ground for loneliness. You feel alone withing an ocean of people.You want to but cannot connect with unknown people. Every place in the city reminds you about loneliness:multiplexes, restaurants, grocery stores and many other places remind you about something that is missing. You see a couple who is madly in love with each other  and get a feeling of longing. When was the last time that you had a meaningful emotional contact?When was the last time when someone touched your soul.? We don't know, we cannot remember. Small children remind you of a child that you could never have or a father that you could never become. You sit in a restaurant and observe a family on the adjacent table enjoying their meal and having a wonderful time, it reminds you how long you have been eating alone without a family. Every family reminds you of something that you are not.

Where can we find solace? Orphans have no place to go to, you can't go back to your dysfunctional family, the divorced and the separated feel uncomfortable around their married relatives.

Delhi and the National Capital Region (NCR) is a paradoxical and contradictory city. There is a massive urban development going on in Gurgaon, Noida, Faridabad and Ghaziabad clutching along with Delhi. You find its inhabitants who are superficial and fake. Everyone seems to be exaggerating himself/herself. It is here where you find humanity dug in its deepest graveyard. You don't understand the culture or its people. You see and observe a lot.You see people aspiring for a fancy life without working hard for it, fast cash and easy money is a new found religion here, people of both the genders have high levels of cortisol and adrenaline hormones in their blood stream just waiting for aggression to burst out, pubbing and clubbing is a new form of worship.You meet men who want a fair skinned bride, women who want only well settled husbands earning more than 1 Lakh per month. Divorce and adultery is a normal thing.Marriages are no longer sacred here:Where is the sanctity of this ritual when alcohol flows like river and brides dance like bar dancers? A noble ceremony has become a materialistic ritual.The society and the culture of this city offends and repels you.

The opposite gender in this city seems to be extremely conceited, haughty , opportunistic and arrogant. Even their fake smiles carry an ulterior materialistic motive. You can't have a meaningful conversation with them.Even in relationships and marriages these women are busy meeting their own agendas. Relationships are made and broken here at the drop of a hat. It is here where you see women filling false rape and dowry cased against their boyfriends and husbands when relationships break down.The women of this region love to wash their dirty linen in public.

You meet some good Samaritans here and they tend to like you.They invite you to their homes and treat you with lunch and dinner. You feel normal, at least for some hours. The woman of the house cooks and serves you food, she reminds you of a sister in law you always wanted. The children connect with you reminding you of a niece/nephew you always wanted.You leave after having a wonderful time with the family and reach back to your house only to feel the vacuum of loneliness.

The men here are a of different lot. Their ignorance and stupidity never stops to amaze you, especially the men belonging to the hinterlands of north India. By getting married to some fair looking dames and fathering children, they think of themselves to be the Alexanders in their own right who have conquered an important territory and are enjoying the spoils of the war.They can't tolerate individualism and and often look down upon people like us who happen to be single.They remind us of our single status often through taunts and criticisms and we too give back acerbic replies to the point of offending their false pride and overinflated egos. We know better. These men have a really hard time in meeting the high expectations of their MADAMJI wives. As the day comes to an end, as a weekend approaches, people around you start making plans: a fancy restaurant to visit, a weekend gateway has been planned, a wedding/social function to attend, a new mall to visit and a lot more. You have no such plans and even if you did , you don't want to share. You go back to your house, it is a house that could never become a home. You tend to keep yourself occupied.

Whether we chose this life or this life chose us is something we ask ourselves everyday and find no answers. But still we continue living our lives on the basis of hope and the feeling than one day things will go well in future.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day, promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Writeup of Mr.Amit Deshpande-Men's rights activist in the website logical Indian

Dear Friends,

I would like to share the writeup by the prominent men's rights activist Mr.Amit Deshpande on the website-The Logical Indian in the link below:


He shares his bitter experience of marriage, how it became sour, faced a domestic violence case from his wife demanding a very high alimony. Mr.Amit Deshpade carried out a strong legal fight and ultimately got justice.

I have seen him on and off speaking on activism for the Indian men on social media and at Tedx talks. Never knew that he too had a difficult past. The single Indian man respects his struggle and pays him a tribute on his relentless campaign for men's right.

His story is also an eye opener for many single men like us who are trying to find brides through online matrimonial forums. Beware!!! Things are really not what they seem. Do a thorough check on all women before you settle down.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Friday, February 17, 2017

Yes sir/madam, your sons and daughters can get married and live happily ever after, not people like us.

I write this blogspot in a form of a conversation to a man/woman who is above 50, has children who are now married and living happily. The man/woman could also be a grandparent having adorable and lovely grandchildren.

Yes sir/madam, I am very happy for you, you have fulfilled all your responsibilities, it is commendable.It seems that you have come to know me through a mutual acquaintance, you have become close to me, you have seem to have taken some kind of liking for men, somewhere down the line I remind you of your own child, I remind you of a son you wished to have.That is why you are concerned for me.My age is going by and you are wondering why I am still not married? Why I am still single? You advice me on the importance of marriage and its importance in the Indian society.You speak on loneliness and isolation that single people face once they become old.

I understand that, but what can men like me do? Having no parents or having left our dysfunctional families  for good, what options do we have? Who is there to represent us? Whom can we call a family? Sir/Madam, as of now you must have had your fair share of experience in this system of holy matrimony.You very well know that it is not a union of two individuals but an alliance of between two respectable  families. I am sure this was the criteria when you went out scouting  for an eligible groom/bride  for your son/daughter. So we come back to the statement written in the heading.Do we even stand for a decent chance of getting married? Will the decent families even consider us as a suitable husband for their daughters/sisters?

This is open to conjecture.It is very easy to advise and lecture, it is easy to judge and it is very easy to pass comments but it is extremely difficult to live by example.

So Sir/Madam, you can remain happy with your children getting married. Kindly stop worrying about us, fact is that no one cares for orphans. We will eventually find our way to live alone and you need not be concerned.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH